Me, My Life, My Thoughts

Thoughts/activities of a train trip

2009-12-01T12:10:00.001-08:00

1. I really want to have a dog.
2. Danced away to 'holi khele raghubeera' playing on my iPod.
3. Reading entire true stories from my life in the form of entire SMS conversations some spanning even years.
4. Attempting to write a poem.
5. Listening only to songs I hadn't heard before.
6. Looking back and sort of missing/thinking about people, from whom I've drifted apart. Wanting to call them, but knowing I can't.
7. Recalling the recent (not too pleasantl) dreams I've had.
8. Contemplating making a bucket list for myself. It will probably have a few ticks already.
9. Making friends with Tee Jay, a dog on the train.
10. Realising I desperately need a good long hot shower!
11. Missing horses and horse riding. :-/

To an unknown person

2009-11-26T00:22:00.001-08:00

To a certain Gaurav Jain's friend as he told me (and other anonymous commenters, readers who don't comment).

You sit so content and quiet there,
Reading in your rocking chair.
The words I with fiery passion write,
To you seem lame or bring delight?

I would love to know, which of those,
You find in my words, I so carefully chose.
Brickbats boquets, I welcome them all,
I just want to know I'm read afterall!!

:-)
Written at an airport enroute to tromso where in going to see the northern lights (pray for me on that count). And this the shortness of the poem. Might add more later.

Weaving Dreams.

2009-11-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

Tears in my green eyes,
are now a common sight..

Behold this world of lies,
where nothing seems right..

All my hopes, desires and a dream,
I thought the world was just and fair,
how sour but was this cream,
of the world my lair..

Now so high is my fear,
that years on I do not dare,
that my eye may shed a tear,
and I lose one for whom I care..

Now as I start to leave,
the tears you fell for me,
help me to tenderly weave,
a plethora of dreams to see...

Untitled 3

2009-11-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Lying awake in each others arms,
cuddled up in the early morn,
falling prey to each others charms,
I'd say, quintessentially lovelorn...

The light grows and the birds awaken,
the time of parting comes even closer,
kiss in haste, our embrace we tighten,
soon must we bid adieu to one another...

The goodbyes said, the parting kiss done,
I walk on home, in the fiery break of dawn,
etched in memory, the night shall remain,
lovely and tender, yet perhaps, a cause of pain...

Untitled -2

2009-11-07T13:22:00.001-08:00

Are we living a moment at a time.
or
Are we dying a moment at a time.

Untitled.

2009-11-07T13:14:00.001-08:00

Not the happiest man in the world perhaps,
as I see the hands on the clock move so fast,
Not the saddest man in the world for sure,
as I fulfill dreams, and dream some more...

Wondering what it could behold, the future i mean,
me hobbling on a cane, greyed, wrinkled and lean,
that I know will happen, and have long with made peace,
it is not my worry or anxiety, the time of my decease...

For on my mind are simple questions galore,
of life down the lane, five-ten years, maybe more,
oft I find myself wanting to move far ahead in time,
only to wake to reality on the sound of the clock chime...

Eurotrip

2009-09-22T13:20:00.001-07:00

Contemplating starting blogging on the go at the cost of some sleep n
peace!!

Poem 1

2009-08-16T08:40:00.000-07:00

Now as confusion deep within me,
Tries to shake me off my stand,
And in the mist ahead I try to see,
As my ship awaits earnestly some land….

Oh! The white crystal is so clear,
My destiny no longer to me hazy,
What then is it that I fear,
This thought drives me crazy…..

A beautiful evergreen love.
Which had I long sought in vain,
Into it, now myself do I shove,
The answer to all my pain????

The years gone by but still I see,
My death being mourned by none,
A nightmare that’s haunted me,
Ever since my parents had a son……

Poems

2009-08-16T08:39:00.001-07:00

Now I'm gonna start on a series of poems I've written long back. A lot of them you would, correctly so, find infantile and naive and kiddish.
They are quite personal, so be a bit kind, and they are of when I was infantile and naive and kiddish!.

A minute at a time.

2009-08-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

4:14 am on a late Thursday night.
Half a can of beer.
Alone.
In the mood to enjoy the company of those I like best - solitude thus being apt.

Is it in man's fundamental nature to be lazy.
Is it possible to be indifferent.
Is it possible to look death in the eye.
Does it make sense to live for the moment.

A barrage of questions pop in and out of the basket that is my mind.
Answers hide in oblivion, not that I complain.
This isn't a night where I'm seeking answers.

It's a night I'm choosing to just be.
Just be what I am, do what I feel like, say what I wish.
I realised it had been a while I hadn't done that.

Why does that happen I wonder? Why do we drift off and become someone we aren't in the race of life? Are we merely living upto expectations - of ourselves, of others etc, or a random drift we become aware of only when the cognitive dissonance is too much to bear.

I wonder.
I drift.
I come back only to drift away again. Occasionally, I like the drift, and change my own course.

Over and over.

The clock ticks away. I am living, dying, a minute at a time.
I like that I'm living and dying on my own terms, a minute at a time.
Amen.

Dark Desires

2009-07-31T02:04:00.000-07:00

I see the world around quite troubled,
For now many a desire of mankind,
Doth lie hidden, bound and shackled,
By chains we made up in our minds.

Oft when we know what we truly want,
We disguise it for the fear of being judged,
Not by family, friends, peers or society,
But bybthe very mind which within,
Harbours those dark disguised desires.

Perhaps you, I, we all wish thus is were not,
But even my dememented, handicapped brain,
Sees it to be a mark of the progress of our civilized lot,
The power of human will to fight away dark desires,
To behold joys unknown to our fire fathers in caves...

-- The thought's spoken of here aren't quite crystal in mind yet, so forgive me for vagueness or any ambiguity in the meaning.

Flying Dutchmen of Ultimate Frisbee

2009-07-05T02:27:00.000-07:00

A breezy saturday evening, and the beautiful LKP lawns lit with floodlight - an
almost perfect day was made even better with some spectacular ultimate frisbee
display tonite.
The three teams - Stormchasers(Mumbai), Indicorp(Ahmedabad) and Flying
Dutchmen(IIMA) were out for some great contest on the opening day of the
Ultimate Frisbee Challenge. And guess what home team dominated just the way all
the home supporters expected beating both the opposing teams quite
comprehensively.

The results :
Match 1: Indicorp beat S'chasers 18-16
Match 2: Flying D'men beat Indicorp 27-17
Match 3: Flying D'men beat S'chasers 25-12

Indicorp were led by the brilliant combination of their 2 star players Jai and
Jesse. One of the youngster (prob Jiga) also showed some spectacular throws and
collects. Jesse's 12 feet high collect, flying over 2 offense players and one
of his teammates was the kodak moment of the first match. The Indicorp team
deserves a special appreciation for the fact that it was mixed gender team
making life really tough for all men opposition team.

Stormchasers put up a good fight in the first game but really lost the plot
against in the 2nd game against the Flying Dutchmen.They had a great thrower in
Sanal and a few good chasers in Qwick and Jhonny, but it seemed the team had a
few less experienced people as well and this cost them the game. But great
spirit shown by them in coming over from Mumbai and making this event
possible.

Flying Dutchmen were the team of the day (or night- considering they played
both their matches back to back after 9pm). May be no star players like Jesse
or Jai but the team was a really well balanced unit with no apparent weakness.
Defense was resilient and impressive to watch , offense was lightning fast
leaving the opposition defense chasing ghosts. The domination was so obvious
that in the 2nd half of the last game they were scoring freely even with the
reserves.
On a technical note - just need to iron out our throwing to make sure that
fewer turnovers happen.

All in all a great day of competition. Some great sporting spirit and some
great competetive frisbee. Hoping for a even greater final tomm at 9::30 pm,
same venue.

Life as I see it.

2009-06-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

You're living a normal early teenage life. Doing what you so desire, top of the rung, happy.
Shit happens.
It breaks you - as a person, as a success in your own eyes in many other countless ways.
You reduce yourself to near nothingness. Much like a carcass disintegrating decidedly but ever so slowly, you gather the strength to get on to your feet. Life as you see it now has changed. Nothing could ever be the same again.
You become cold as you move on in life. Things just refuse to matter anymore. You can go the distance alone, or so you feel. You are happy alone. You think/love nought but yourself.
Cuts and bruises genuinely hurt a little less. There is focus in life, but most of it centered around your own self.
People refuse to understand you anymore. Friends drift apart, people get madly pissed at you. People you once cared for, are hurting badly and need you more than ever. Yet, you are indifferent inside, don't quite care and are content for the most of it.

Yet you are passionate, very much alive - for things you believe in, for things you want, for things that revolve mostly around you. You are living for yourself.

This is what I have found life to be. This is how I would define life progress, perhaps even success in a weird, contorted and twisted manner.

Back

2009-06-11T10:07:00.001-07:00

Back to campus, totally enthused about second year and all that comes along with it.
:)

Being Twenty Something

2009-04-13T06:20:00.001-07:00

I didn't write this myself, but was something a friend mailed to me.
Found it to be quite accurate and true.
Sigh!!

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

Whats New

2009-03-22T03:39:00.000-07:00

1. Working hard.
2. Leaving for London soon. Yipee. =)
3. Got an exchange programme at Bergen, Norway in September. Yipee again. =)
4. Bought a Canon 70-300 IS lens.
5. Miss my turtles. (No they not dead, just at a friends place).
6. 'Dry'.

Myself - Uninhibited

2009-03-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

This is from a Note I'd written on Facebook. Basically stuff about me - uninhibited - a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about me.

1. I drink a lot. And I am not ashamed of it.

2. I love experimenting with my appearance. I've tried some really crazy looks, and pulled them off decently.

3. I have very rough hands and I often wish they were soft.

4. I believe it is possible to love two (or more) women with near equal passion and truthfulness at the same time.

5. I have a messy room, always, and I like it that way.

6. Despite an apparently very tough exterior, I am a very sensitive person and often have emotional times.

7. I have a 'muh boli behen' in IIMA, in whose lap and shoulder I have found the strength in my weakest times. I've cried four times in IIMA, all in her arms.

8. I love my gadgets very very much and believe I make excellent choices in these matters - My iPhone, my Canon 40D, my MacBook Pro.

9. I have a highly irritating habit of getting after people to read my blog and see my photography.

10. I had this habit of exaggerating my vices. It's on the back burner now.

11. I have hurt people in my life, worse I forgave myself for those times too easily, too soon. I hate that.

12. I love money. Having it, spending it, the smell of it, the look of it.

13. I don't miss anyone. Ever.

14. I detest watching TV. I have been brought up in a home where there were four in the garage, but none set up. It's the biggest waste of time.

15. I love sports - not watching them, on TV/live etc, but being there, playing them.

16. I like to wear clothes two sizes too big for me.

17. I'm not afraid of death, it freaks my parents out. I want to see my death coming.

18. I've the bestest best friends, (two - Ankit and Saniya) one could EVER ask for.

19. I have a thing for clean feet - like toes and all.

20. I believe in the power of the mind. It's my biggest source of strength.

21. I love animals. Yet, I love eating them. I don't see anything wrong in either.

22. I HATE the Indian concept and traditions of marriage.

23. I believe I am quite the typical Aquarius.

24. I'm very proud of having achieved success and climbed pedestals at a very young age, what it takes people much longer to do.

25. I oscillate between being indifferent about what people think of me, and thinking about it for hours.

Another 25.

1. I like to live, be and look like a hippie.

2. I ADORE the Brit accent.

3. I haven't met too many people as well rounded as myself.

4. I have to smoke immediately after sex.

5. I prefer vodka to whisky.

6. I like challenges.

7. I am either passionate about nothing, or about too many things.

8. I love doing crossover roles in dramatics.

9. I have learnt that it is easier to say it and deal with the consequences than to wonder "What if?"

10. I have not learnt to say it too well.

11. I believe sleeping is a waste of time.

12. Basketball can turn me on. So can a woman with a cigarette in her lips.

13. I am an attention seeker, and correspondingly insecure in the lack of it.

14. I waste time and then I curse myself.

15. I would support a wrong argument simply for the fun of it.

16. I am both - a lazy bum and a hyperactive brat.

17. I do not respect age (to some extent). I'm not sure if it's a bad thing.

18. I believe in friendship far more than blood relations.

19. I sleep with three pillows, and love to smell them.

20. I could be a victim of MPD.

21. I want to have a disorder like MPD.

22. I hate yellow gold, love platinum.

23. I want to be the Fool on the Hill, the Man who cant be moved, and much more.

24. I don't think I am capable of hate.

25. I sometimes wear the same underwear inside out, so as to delay doing the laundry.

Photo Album

2009-03-12T18:51:00.000-07:00

I finally created my online photo album. Though I've made it sound like something fancy, it's just a regular picasa thing.
http://picasaweb.google.com/abhishekaggy
Do have a look sometime.
Danke!

My Pets

2009-03-02T05:11:00.000-08:00

These are my new pets. I love them.
Muuaaaaaahhh!!

Of a Union, So Perfect

2009-02-24T06:06:00.000-08:00

Above, are the hands of my sister, Deepti, and her husband, Akshat, who just got married on the 19th of February 2009.
Wishing them a long and happy married life and kids just like me.
:)

Gentle Cringe

2009-02-23T09:43:00.001-08:00

Something someone wrote for me.
Do comment, I'm sure she would read them here.

Gliding unseen,But surly felt,
Unscolding touch,Escapable grasp,Of writhing arms.

A gentle cringe,Not so subtle heave.
As perspiration echoes,From wall to wall.Falling like tears.

Morose stare,Through Jaded glass,
Sullen temperament,Ensnared,Coupled in the silent,Motion.

Upon an agreed gasp,Palpable scent of each other,
Consumes emptiness,To falter and settle.
As they do in one another.

Unwashed

2009-02-23T08:01:00.001-08:00

Thou lay there, in silence,
seen, felt, but not heard,
thought worth not twopence,
fluttering away like a bird.

I choose to do nothing about thee,
reaching heights of procrastination,
choosing to overlook the work I see,
looking at your dastardly condition.

I need to wash my laundry!!!!! And stop writing poems about it!!!!
Arrrrrrggghhh!!!!

Ummm

2009-02-20T03:41:00.000-08:00

Bright red hair, and a quirky dame,
free, yet suppressed, queer, yet pretty,
she is one that you cannot tame,
I lose my speech my remarks no longer witty,
When flashes across my mind, her name.

I sat contemplating whether to let flow my words,
as a simple blog entry or as exquisite poetry,
with sounds gentle as the fluttering of love birds,
or of words written simply yet pleasant to thee.

I started jotting down this prose,
for it befitted the lovely lady,
rare, perhaps as a blue rose,
and yet quite scarily shady.

Hazel brown eyes, bright blue glasses,
a multitude of tics, and quirky as hell,
those abrupt, blunt, so often backlashes,
followed by a soft, gentle and charming spell.

She is a rare pearl, this I have come to know,
Brief moments with her, are ones to recall,
Alas! There is no future for 'us' where we may go,
And we finding ourselves doing nothing but stall.

There is something of our own we could have,
special, memorable, joyous, and carefree,
She quite wants it too, this suspicion I have,
Why then does she makes it so difficult for me.

The Gift of Writing, WAC

2009-02-07T05:40:00.000-08:00

Alas! My dearest, you stole it away,
a gift I had, so precious and prized,
as I poured my heart out into you,
as I smiled every moment I was with thee.

Without it, I suffer each passing day,
I feel no pain, but rather devitalized,
as I see my precious bid me adieu,
capable of nothing, but staring blankly.

I need to find it, so I hope and pray,
it is not something that can be apprised,
thinking thus, my efforts I renew,
to reunite with what belongs to me.

Success I find, in writing a long piece, say,
of a wine estate, so many have despised,
and slowly my precious came into view,
embracing me, making me jump with glee.

Thank God I found you, and didn't go astray,
not only for my blog were you, I surmised,
WAC my dear, is impossible, without you,
Know this my dear - my gift of writing.

2009-02-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

Just pushed the restart button in life.